Tesco to beat its staff with a shitty stick

Supermarket giant Tesco is said to be taking the unusual step of beating its staff to within an inch of their lives using a shitty stick in order to get to the bottom of how its projected half year profits were overstated by £250 million. Tesco CEO Dave lewis told us “We’ve tried paying our […]

David Cameron “You’ll have to winkle us out with a shitty stick”

Prime Minister David Cameron has said the coalition will continue ‘right up until polling day’ in 2015 and has issued a stark message to party dissenters and the British public alike “You’ll have to winkle us out with a shitty stick.” “We’ve had some disagreements within the the coalition and even within the party but […]