Prince Charles urges unproven cures for serious diseases

prince charles herbal

His Royal Highness Prince Charles has today urged the public to ignore scientifically proven cures for illnesses and instead rely on sugar pills soaked with water, that may have been in the same jug as some water that may have touched an ingredient which is not proven in anyway to cure the affliction in question. In a meeting with Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt the unelected despot stressed his determination to champion homeopathy at all costs whether it works or not.

“I’m absolutely sick of things having to be proven all the time. I didn’t get where I am today by things being proven. You see water has a memory. Not of poo. It forgets that. Unless poo turns out to cure something, in which case it doesn’t.  It’s not rocket science. It’s not any other science either. But you can’t just mix things with a huge expanse of water,  you have to hit the jug with a leather thwacky thing.” the future King explained.

Jeremy Hunt is said to be in full agreement and cited the huge savings to the public purse that a move to homeopathy could make “Doctors cost a fortune to train and then you have to pay them a fortune. We need to cut the red tape on ‘qualifications’.  Luckily anyone can be a homeopath and we can pay  them on commission for every patient that doesn’t cark it.”

The Health Secretary was adamant that despite having no active ingredient, homeopathic sugar pills were effective in his personal experience.  “I was suffering with ‘Bitter Coffee Syndrome’. My GP didn’t want to know, neither did any of his colleagues, nor would any TV doctors, fictional or otherwise, return my calls. As a last resort I went to see a homeopath who prescribed me with sugar pills. I was cynical, but two in every cup of coffee has cured the problem! Now the naysayers will probably tell you that my coffee would have become sweeter anyway. Not true. I stopped the homeopathy and my coffee became bitter again. There’s growing evidence that they also work for tea.”

Rumours that the Government have been vigorously lobbied by Tate and Lyle have been strenuously denied.

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