Nick Clegg “I’m not resigning but I might grow a moustache”

nick clegg moustache

Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the Liberal Democrats Nick Clegg has confirmed this morning that whilst he will not be heeding calls to step down from either position, he would be willing to grow a patch of facial hair above the lip in order to revive the fortunes of  the ailing party.

The statement comes amidst calls from two Lib Dem Parliamentary candidates for him to resign.

Speaking on the Marr show, Mr Clegg said of his leadership “Quite honestly if I’ve got anything to do with it you won’t winkle me out with a shitty stick. A shiny, brand new Nick Clegg with a bushy handlebar moustache is going to look like the sort of man that gets things done. And that’s what the Lib Dems need. Not someone else.

“It may seem to the uneducated eye like my party want me to resign, but what they really mean is they want me to resign as the old Nick Clegg without a tache. With a tache it’ll be just like having a new leader because I’ll be newer, fresher and hairier. Because the tache always wins. Anyone who’s ever worked in sales knows that there’s always a bloke with a moustache who’s right up there at the top of the pile.”

When questioned further by Andrew Marr, Mr Clegg conceded that significant change would be unlikely to happen overnight.

“Obviously I had a shave this morning but I can assure you that this will be the last time, at least around the top lip area. So in theory I already have a moustache and would like the media and my Lib Dem colleagues to give me time to settle into my new role, which in effect I started today.”

In other news Labour leader Ed Miliband has strenuously denied any plans to resign or grow a moustache.

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