Britain to pull out of drinking in moderation

Britain is to opt out of the EU policy of moderate drinking at meal times in favour of the traditional British policy of getting as drunk as a monkey on an empty stomach on a Friday night.

Henry Kelly to lead pro EU campaign

The heat is on the and time is right according to the campaign for Britain to stay in the European Union, who have this morning announced the appointment of none other than afternoon Euro quiz icon Henry Kelly as their leader. In his first press conference as a serious political figure Mr Kelly assured critics that […]

“Migrants will steal your houses and eat your pets” warns Daily Mail

A new influx of migrants expected to all arrive at the same time on Jan 1st 2014 will steal the houses of hard working people brick by brick before barbecuing and eating any household pets, according to a stark warning issued today by the Daily Mail. Keep Britain Britishy campaigner and Daily Mail knee jerk […]

David Cameron tells ministers “I’ll get Obama on you”

David Cameron has reportedly flown to Washington to ‘tell’ on his senior ministers who have tried to speed up a referendum to pull out of Europe behind his back. Education Secretary Michael Gove has apparently received a text from the Prime Minister saying “You wait, I’m telling on you. Then you’ll be sorry” before David […]

Cameron tells Europe “Give us a better deal or I’ll release the monkey people”

David Cameron has told the European Union “Give us a better deal or I’ll release the monkey people” leaving many shocked at the surprisingly short speech that had been awaited for months and postponed several times. The speech has sparked debate throughout the media as well as throughout Europe as to what Mr Cameron actually […]