“Migrants will steal your houses and eat your pets” warns Daily Mail

Little John

A new influx of migrants expected to all arrive at the same time on Jan 1st 2014 will steal the houses of hard working people brick by brick before barbecuing and eating any household pets, according to a stark warning issued today by the Daily Mail.

Keep Britain Britishy campaigner and Daily Mail knee jerk soap box pundit Richard Littlejohn explained “Despite the fact that there may be better paid jobs on offer in France and Germany, they’re all going to be coming over here at the same time. Every single one of them. Many of them won’t be wearing clothes and most will be riding unicycles on the wrong side of the road without looking where they’re going.

“I’m well aware that statistically immigration is beneficial to the economy. But try telling that to a bloke who’s come home to find out his entire house has been melted down and sold for scrap before his household pets have been cooked and eaten according to some god awful foreign recipe. Go on. Try telling him. I wouldn’t want to be the one to do it.”

Prime Minister David Cameron has gone on record to distance himself from the Daily Mail’s stance without actually disagreeing with it.

“It’s OK to have French or German people working here in moderation but not European countries that have recently signed up to the EU. They’re just too foreign. It’s not easy being seen to be irrationally borderline racist to appease UKIP supporters but rest assured we can’t do anything about it and we’re having none of it. This is the line and you must not cross it. Not very often anyway. I hope that clarifies the situation. ” he explained.


  1. Top work

  2. It’s strange, but every time somebody mentions Littlejohn I get this irresistible urge to go to hell in a handcart.
    Nice piece of satire gentlemen.

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