Reiki healer jailed for misdiagnosing and treating wrong chakra

A Reiki healer has been jailed today after a court heard that he misdiagnosed and subsequently transmitted Reiki to the wrong chakra which could have seriously affected his patient’s flow of chi.

Dave Moonbeam of Shepton Mallett was convicted of actual harm to an aura in one of the worst cases of holistic neglect ever recorded, having unnecessarily performed a therapy to unblock the throat chakra when simply dangling a talisman on a string would have revealed a blockage of chi in the third eye chakra.

The presiding judge said “Never in all my years have I witnessed such blatant disregard for an alternative procedure reinforced with anecdotal evidence. I am imposing a maximum sentence of two years to deter any more cowboys. This client might have to deal with the effects of a fucked up aura for the rest of her life.”

A spokesman for the General Reiki Council told us that the sentence may have been harsh but that Reiki Healing, if incorrectly performed, could indeed be as dangerous as going to a GP.

“All our therapists have to take a vigorous series of exams. Though they get a certificate whether they pass them or not. But we can assure you that they all fork out for the course.” He explained.