Portsmouth Council authorise new high rise shaped like a penis


Portsmouth City Council leader Donna Jones has spoken of an exciting vision for Portsmouth, involving the construction of a high rise block shaped like a giant penis.

“We need thousands of new homes to cope with the growing population of Portsmouth. I have a vision of accommodating them and simultaneously rejuvenating North Portsmouth, by encasing them all in a gargantuan todger.” She explained in an impassioned interview with the Portsmouth Evening News.

“We have obviously arranged a series of public consultations on the matter, but I’m not telling you where or when they are. And in any event anyone who voiced their opinion on the recently closed arts lodge will know, it won’t make any difference. We’re having an enormous phallic apartment complex that will kick start my career and get me into parliament and that’s that.”

“We need to get people in an out of Portsmouth as quickly as possibly both metaphorically and in terms of traffic, so an oversized residential penis works on all levels.Obviously the traffic will need to keep thrusting in and out and we will facilitate this via a roundabout system circling the base of the shaft and around each singular bollock similar to the one in Hemel Hempsted.”

The plan has already come under criticism from many residents, arguing that the planned purple penthouses at the top will only be available to the most affluent. However a spokesman for landowners Delancey told us that the plans would put the shit bit of Portsmouth well and truly on the map.

“It’s going to make the spinnaker tower look like a Heinz sausage and beans chipolata.” He explained.

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