Public Sector to receive loans not wages

Public Sector workers will be required to pay back any remuneration they have received during their employment as part of George Osborne’s loans not wages policy announced during his emergency budget speech today.

Addressing parliament and flanked by a smiling Iain Duncan Smith the Chancellor said “We’ve stopped financial assistance for students from poorer families wishing to better themselves at university. That leaves the worry that despite our efforts they might still still get a job and do well in the workplace. We are of course the party of aspiration, but if everyone goes round being successful then they won’t have anything to aspire to. So they’re all going to have to pay their wages back. It’s a very difficult decision. Gutting. Heart wrenching. We’re simply wracked with regret about the whole thing, I should imagine.”

The move has not been without it’s critics, not least from the Labour party who have even threatened to reverse the decision should they elect Jeremy Corbyn as leader and get into power. Indeed Andy Burnham said “Even if I’m leader we’ll still grumble disapprovingly.”

The Chancellor assured concerned critics that in actual fact public sector employees had never had it so good.

“It’ll be a low interest loan. They won’t have to pay it back until they’re earning. Which they will be because they’ll be working. So they need to pay it back. Immediately. That’ll make them think twice about trying to blag a free ride.”