Portsmouth locals fury at immigrants cooking with fresh ingredients

donna jones

Portsmouth City Council Leader, Donna Jones, has described reports of immigrants and refugees mitigating the effects of limited financial assistance by creating delicious meals made cheaply out of fresh ingredients, as abhorrent.

“Hello. McDonalds. Hello.” She told a heaving press conference in Guildhall square this morning.

“Poor people should eat Findus crispy pancakes, white bread and happy shopper margarine. If they manage to buy vegetables from the market and cook something healthy and tasty then they’re scamming the system, they’re getting it handed to them on a plate.

“I eat an Indian meal every Saturday. A proper middle class Indian from a take-away or in a restaurant. And now we hear tales about people coming over here and eating just as well by preparing their own food from scratch. It’s cheating. Why can’t they spend their subsistence income at the local Iceland and dine on processed turkey flavoured arsehole rissoles like normal poor people.”

Prime Minister David Cameron has warned that such problems with immigrants managing to scratch a half decent meal together are mirrored throughout Britain as a whole.

“We very much stand by the views of Donna Jones. That’s why we nearly selected her to stand as an MP herself in the last election. And that’s why we’ll be banning fruit and veg traders from selling their wares to people who look foreign. If they’re serious about coming over here, then they should either go to Chicken Inn or eat shit out of a microwave like British people.” He explained.

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