Vegans are planning to take a month off in order to take stock, realign their life goals and eat ham, according to a statement issued today by the vegan society.
The statement issued via their facebook page said “Some people take a month off from drinking alcohol, some people take a month off from not wearing a moustache. So we’re taking a month off too. It’s all for charity.”
The announcement of ‘Meaty March’ is thought to have been well received amongst the vegan community, with only those with absolutely nothing else to talk about opting out.
Indeed one vegan told us that he was even looking forward to fucking tofu off for a few weeks.”I stopped getting invited to dinner parties because I kept ruining them. Now I can be the life and soul and say things like mmm how did you make the lamb? Like normal people.” He explained.
Another participant told us that she hoped lunch breaks at work could now be less stressful, at least for her co-workers. “It will be nice just to buy a sandwich at lunchtime from Greggs and do something else other than witter on to everyone about my choice of diet for a whole hour every day.”
Famous vegan Gwyneth Paltrow who is figureheading ‘Meaty March’ said a month off from any diet was essential in order to amplify the flow of chi to the meat chakra. “And it’ll save having to go to another town in disguise every time I want a Big Mac” She explained.