City of Sheffield cancelled

Chaotic scenes surrounded Sheffield this morning after organisers cancelled the entire city due to a lack of water for runners at it’s annual half marathon. South Yorkshire Police said that they had originally thought of just cancelling the race but later decided that cancellation of the city itself was the best course of action with regards to public safety.

“There wasn’t enough water in bottles for the Sheffield half marathon. We had enough for the half marathon or Sheffield but not both. We had to make a tough decision.”

The decision has had a mixed response from former residents of the town. One told us “I’ve always lived in Sheffield. I’ve never left the place so I’m going to have to move to somewhere similar. Shedfield in Hampshire seems like a good bet. But if it hasn’t got two football teams, one called Wednesday and a declining steel industry I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Another resident said “I honestly couldn’t give less of a fuck if you paid me.”

However, locals insistent on carrying on being from Sheffield would be unlikely to be prosecuted. A Government source told us “We’ll just let them run around and get it out of their system.”

Sheffield is by no means the first town or city to be cancelled in the past year. The South Coast City of Portsmouth was recently cancelled and only reinstated so the newly appointed Minister for Portsmouth had something to do on week days.”