Boris Johnson has formalised his campaign to run for Prime Minister under the guise of some argument over membership of the EU.
The shaggy, self serving, former Eton schoolboy said that the question of whether to remain in the EU was a complicated issue and it had taken him hours of painstaking thought to work out which path would most likely see him in number 10.
“The way I see it, I can either bluster on about staying in the EU and have to battle Theresa May for the leadership or bluster on about leaving it, win the referendum and just have to compete against Michael Gove.”
“Of course if you vote to stay in and get Theresa May as Prime Minister then you can piss off and work abroad. With me you can’t and you’ll be stuck on an isolated island with me and my jingoistic yet lovable sheepdog like antics. But vote for me anyway.”
Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith, who is also campaigning for Britain to leave the EU said “I’m not going for the top job this time. I genuinely want us to live in bitter and twisted isolation whilst the rest of the world becomes more incorporated in a global economy.”