Paul Golding, leader of popular goose-stepping movement Britain First has been included in this year’s honours list for services to keeping Britain racist.
A government spokesman said “We can confirm that we will be offering a Lordship, a knighthood or an OBE or something to Mr Paul Golding for services to keep Britain extra Britishy by disenfranchising followers of a generally peaceful religion with the intention of making them more radicalised and thus giving him a greater remit for coming out with the same old bollocks ad infinitum.
“Were it not for Mr Golding, each and every one of us would have Muslims climbing through the letterbox at night and setting up camp, only agreeing to leave when when all the family, any household pets and any soft toys the children might have have converted to Islam. That’s what Mr Golding has told us anyway and we see no reason that he would tell fibs.”
Indeed, sometimes commanding marches of up to 100 people and enjoying support from thousands who have accidentally liked a facebook post without actually realising it was from Britain First, Mr Golding is widely credited with bringing that racist old bloke in the pub who everyone ignores into the digital age.
Mr Golding was in the process of standing outside a supermarket protesting at their use of foreign foods such as bananas and potatoes, when he heard the news.
“We’re the only party that stands up for British heritage, based on a weak knowledge of history and of course missing out any of the obvious benefits that have arisen through multi-culturalism.” He told us.
One passer by said “It’s no more or less irrelevant than any of the other New Year Honours.”