Breaking! Tony Blair hands himself in to Police

breaking news

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly handed himself in to Paddington Green police station where he is still thought to still be helping with enquiries according to eye witnesses.

Apparently telling passers by that he “just can’t do this any more” Mr Blair is thought to have arrived at Paddington Green at approximately 8am this morning and has yet to leave.

One source close to Mr Blair said “He stole a Mars bar when he was 16. He realised no-one was looking and the shop didn’t have any cameras, and rather than pay for it he just walked out eating it. However the guilt has played heavily on his mind for the last 40 odd years. The Lord God in his book of ten instructions specifically says that ‘thou shalt not nick things’ so he thought he better fess up or risk an ever lasting after life of fire and brimstone.”

One Police insider told us that they were a little surprised that Mr Blair’s confession had no connection to the Iraq war.

“With regards to the near genocide he caused by bringing Britain into an ill thought out war based on a lie, he’s pretty sure that God actually told him to do that. As soon as he’s paid penance for Mars bar gate he says his conscience will be clear and he can warble away in church at the top of his voice with great piety to his hearts content.”

A spokesman for confectionery  giant Mars said “I hope they lock him up and throw away the bastard key”

More soon.

 

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