British Gas “If you don’t like it, you can light your own farts”

Customers who disagree with today’s 9.2% pay rise can go and heat their homes and cook their dinner using gas from their own anuses according to a spokesman from British Gas this morning. “We understand public frustration of prices rising faster than incomes. But it’s not our fault that people don’t earn enough. And you […]

Public stampede to buy 5p bags

Government legislation to charge 5p for plastic bags is set to start a stampede of consumer madness this morning according to shopping experts. One shopper we spoke to was just finishing an excited morning of bag procurement when we spoke to him.”They’re an absolute bargain. I can buy 20 of these polythene bad boys and […]

Fracking far too rude say enviromentalists

Environmentalists have been protesting outside parliament in their hundreds as the temporary ban on the process of ‘Fracking’ for gas and oil looks set to come to an end. The head of a company involved in fracking has said it is ready to press on quickly with production if a UK ban on the technique […]