Public stampede to buy 5p bags

Government legislation to charge 5p for plastic bags is set to start a stampede of consumer madness this morning according to shopping experts. One shopper we spoke to was just finishing an excited morning of bag procurement when we spoke to him.”They’re an absolute bargain. I can buy 20 of these polythene bad boys and […]

Lord Rennard blames ‘arse biting chickens’

Ex-Lib Dem chief executive Lord Rennard has today refuted allegations of sexual impropriety, blaming a rare breed of ‘arse biting chicken’ for any inappropriateness.  His shorter than expected statement “It wasn’t me. It was the arse biting chickens”  has surprised the political world and left the results of the forthcoming Eastleigh by-election ever more difficult […]

Atos under fire again as David Cameron declared fit for work

David Cameron has been declared ‘fit for work’ and may lose his £142,500 per annum benefits according to disability denying random benefit allocators Atos. The decision may come as a blow for one of Britain’s highest paid benefit claimants who may struggle to match his income through conventional employment. An insider told us “Look, he’s […]