Stupid George Osborne to issue autumn statement in winter

George Osborne has today fended off accusations that he is incompetent and irresponsible as widespread criticism mounts that he is issuing an Autumn statement in Winter.

Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us “It’s ridiculous. Everybody knows that December is in Winter. If he can’t get that right then how can he be left in charge of Britain’s economy?

“Even in America where because of their funny accent they can’t actually say Autumn, at least they replace it with an easier word like fall. They don’t just call it Winter. The french can’t say ‘the’ and they don’t just call that Winter.”

The statement is set to focus on a multi-faceted energy bill discount where each household energy bill is made cheaper, then taken back in tax, then given to the bloke next door, back to the energy company and then passed on to the customer, before being taken away in tax again. “We want the lights turned on or off depending on who we’re talking to. Not that any one needs their heating on at the moment. It’s still Autumn.”

The revelations could not come at a worse time for a Government who are still facing a backlash from the business community regarding the introduction of 20 weeks a year ‘uncles leave’. Judgemental business woman and apprentice star Karen Brady has complained that on some days attendance is so low that she has been having meetings by herself.”Half the workforce have been demanding their 20 weeks off. Apparently even if you are a friend of the parents, that qualifies you as an uncle. And it seems that you are also allowed the time off if you just happen to have an uncle.”