We’ll never ever post goals on twitter again promise all football fans

  Football fans have come together to promise the Premier league that they will never ever post goals via vine on twitter again and that they are all jolly sorry that they ever did in the first place. One sorrowful fan  told us  “We know what we have done is wrong and we’re all wracked […]

Football in turmoil after badgers accused of ‘moving the goalposts’

The fate of the beautiful game over the coming week is hanging in the balance following a statement by Environment secretary Owen Paterson that badgers have been moving the goalposts. “The badgers moved the goalposts. We’re dealing with a wild animal, subject to the vagaries of the weather,disease and breeding patterns, that likes nothing more […]

David Beckham quits football to take drugs and go raving

David Beckham is to retire from football at the end of this season after an illustrious 20-year career, to follow his dream of getting absolutely munted on a cocktail of narcotics and attending all night raves. Reportedly ‘insanely jealous’ of ravers who get to stay up all night, whilst he has had to get an […]