World wide protests at Justin Bieber’s shit birthday

bieber protests

The worlds population as a whole have been urged to ‘remain calm’ as shockwaves resulting from teen crooner Justin Bieber’s ‘worst birthday ever’ have caused worldwide protests.

Up to a quarter of the worlds population put aside the fact that many are living in absolute poverty and suffering the end of a global recession, to express their outrage and dismay that Bieber on this one occasion hasn’t had a good one.  In London, where the worst protests have been, all leave has been cancelled for riot police for what is predicted to be the worst social unrest since Peter Andre had a mediocre 21st birthday party in the 1990s.

“The poor little lamb” one protester told us “when I think of things not going the way the little cherub wanted on his birthday, I just want to shout a lot, stamp my feet and maybe loot some shops. And in Britain as well, it’s an outrage.  I for one, feel like part of one big collective birthday spoiling pack of c*nts.”

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has expressed his sorrow and embarrassment over the affair, “I know I speak for everyone when I say that we’re all extremely sorry and embarrassed. Bieber’s had 19 birthdays or 20 if you count the day that he was actually born. That puts this particular birthday into the bottom 5% of birthdays that he’s had, which is simply awful.  It’s entirely my fault, I should have passed a special by law making it compulsory for Bieber’s 12 year old friends to be allowed into London nightclubs once a year on his birthday. By way of apology I’ve sent the entire night club staff accompanied by myself to Bieber’s house for a special soiree where Bieber can show us all a shit time by way of retribution.”

Despite the overwhelming swathe of public outrage over the affair it appears that not all public figures are as remorseful as Mr Johnson.  For example, fellow crooner Morrissey has argued that the protests are an over reaction and there are worse disasters happening throughout the world than Bieber having a shit birthday.  “I’ve had 53 birthdays, each more miserable than the last so the last one was actually in the bottom 1.88% of birthdays. But it’s worse than that because my birthday is the most miserable day of the year for me, making the last one in the bottom 0.0056% of days I’ve had as a whole. Which is fucking miserable even by my standards. So Bieber wouldn’t know a miserable birthday if it hit him up the arse at the speed of an intercity train.”

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