Eastleigh residents turn to porn in desperate attempt to regain spotlight

easleigh porn

Residents of Eastleigh have turned to adult entertainment in a desperate bid to regain the mass media appeal that they have coveted, enjoyed and later become addicted to.

Professor of everything Dr Brian Cox has argued that this was sadly always on the cards. “We’ve seen it happen before with Big Brother contestants, X-Factor entrants and out of work soap opera actors. They get attention beyond their wildest dreams and become accustomed to it. Sadly this new found fame rarely lasts and they feel the only way that they can get back in the spot light is by making bongo films. What’s happening now may be a cry for attention, or the town may just have father issues.”

Residents from both the nearby towns of Southampton and Salisbury have reported hearing strange groans, cries of ‘ooh it’s so big’ and what appears to be a man playing wah-wah guitar through a huge amplifier.

One such Eastleigh resident Bert Onions told us “In one day I had Nigel Fararage, Boris Johnson and that Labour bloke off the telly all turn up and my front door with TV cameras asking what I thought about stuff. Now they’ve all gone. But they’ll be back when they find out I’m live on web cam wearing only my pants”

The forthcoming film ‘Eastleigh does Dallas’ will be shortly available on-line or from the mandatory ‘bloke at work’ who always has such things.

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