Theresa May will still be Prime Minister by Christmas and may even remain in power for longer than Donald Trump according to party insiders.
One source from within Mrs May’s inner circle said “It’s an easy assumption to make that she’s not up to the task, whatever the task actually is at the moment, and may be forced to stand down. But I can clearly envisage the scene as far away as 12 weeks from now where she is still clinging on like a limpet.”
Indeed the Prime Minister is thought to be enjoying widespread support from her party with back-benchers only criticising her off the record and dropping hints rather than direct statements to the media.
“She’s basically toast. And that’s off the record and not to be published.” One MP told us.
The statements come following widespread rumours that man of the people and the conservative answer to Jeremy Corbyn, Jacob Rees-Mogg may be launching a leadership challenge.
“He’ll deliver Brexit by speaking loudly and slowly to all the foreigners and still find time to press on with his core policies of making working class people wear caps again, which they would then be required to doff whenever they encounter someone of middle class or above. He’ll be like a breath of fresh air.” One supporter told us.
News Toad 
Imagine a perfect world where Jacob the Redeemer is carried by Sedan Chair through adoring yet worshipful crowds of lovable Mary Poppins style urchins. The working class men all speak respectfully in Dick Van Dyke Cockney accents, the demure yet grateful working ladies doing little curtsies as He passes by.
A low murmur suddenly swells in volume – “Hosanna” they cry, “He has come to save us and lead us out of this dark valley”.
A new religion was born that day as he explained in an interview later.
“I leave a trail of rooted people
Mesmerised by just the sight,
The few I touch are now disciples
Love as One I Am the Light…”
“Let the hat doffing and forelock tugging begin.”
We all agreed we had done little to earn his forgiveness but it was good to be back within the certainty of his beneficent servitude.