“Now not the time for independence vote” Theresa May tells America

Theresa May has rejected calls for the USA to hold a referendum regarding independence from Britain today saying “now is not the time.”

Trump to ban immigration from Skull island

President Trump has today signed a new executive order placing a 90-day ban on people from Skull island just in case one of them is a forty-foot high monkey.

Hong Kong Phooey detained by US immigration

Popular 1970s crime fighter Hong Kong Phooey has reportedly been detained by US immigration as part of the latest crackdown ordered by President Donald Trump.

“I never mocked that disabled reporter” says man who mocked reporter for being disabled

Donald Trump has gone on record today to deny mocking reporter Serge Kovaleski for being disabled even though he did and it was all recorded and everybody saw it.

Trump to keep an open mind on gravity

The Donald Trump administration will keep an open mind on the concept of gravity, following concerns from the President elect that Newton’s laws may just be misinformation most likely started off by the Chinese.

“Britain will be mainly ginger if we get rid of immigrants” warns secret UKIP report

A secret UKIP report has questioned the party’s policy on lowering immigration warning that it could mean an unsustainable rise in ginger haired people.

Jimmy Saville awarded Time Magazine’s person of the year

The late entertainer Jimmy Saville has been awarded Person of the Year for 2016 by US magazine Time.

Boris Johnson “We must all climb into Trump’s arse”

We must all climb into Donald Trump’s arse and deferentially do his bidding, blindly following his every xenophobic whim according to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

Captain Cook to fuck off back to his own country as Australia bans immigration by boat

Captain Cook, all his descendants and anyone who looks a bit like him will have to fuck off back to their own country following a landmark ruling today to ban all immigrants who attempt to enter the country by boat.

Bill Cosby withdraws support for Trump

Entertainer Bill Cosby has publicly withdrawn support for Presidential hopeful Donald Trump saying that he may even vote for rival Hilary Clinton instead.