Trump to keep an open mind on gravity

The Donald Trump administration will keep an open mind on the concept of gravity, following concerns from the President elect that Newton’s laws may just be misinformation most likely started off by the Chinese.

“Britain will be mainly ginger if we get rid of immigrants” warns secret UKIP report

A secret UKIP report has questioned the party’s policy on lowering immigration warning that it could mean an unsustainable rise in ginger haired people.

Jimmy Saville awarded Time Magazine’s person of the year

The late entertainer Jimmy Saville has been awarded Person of the Year for 2016 by US magazine Time.

Boris Johnson “We must all climb into Trump’s arse”

We must all climb into Donald Trump’s arse and deferentially do his bidding, blindly following his every xenophobic whim according to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

Captain Cook to fuck off back to his own country as Australia bans immigration by boat

Captain Cook, all his descendants and anyone who looks a bit like him will have to fuck off back to their own country following a landmark ruling today to ban all immigrants who attempt to enter the country by boat.

Bill Cosby withdraws support for Trump

Entertainer Bill Cosby has publicly withdrawn support for Presidential hopeful Donald Trump saying that he may even vote for rival Hilary Clinton instead.

Trump shock at news shooting his opponent means he’ll just get another opponent

Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has told of his shock today at finding out that if someone shoots Hilary Clinton he won’t automatically become President and the Democrats will just choose another opponent for him.

Trump to give USA back to Native Americans, move to Mexico and pay for a wall

Donald Trump has vowed to return the USA back to native Americans, exile anyone not descended from original inhabitants, including himself, and move to Mexico where he will stop any future epidemics of mass migration such as the one that started in 1607 by Europeans, by building a wall which he himself would be paying for.

Trump would bomb Narnia

Donald Trump has said that he would not rule out bombing Narnia, should he succeed in becoming US president.

“Europe not safe” says Trump from safety of country with highest gun deaths

Donald Trump has warned Americans to avoid travel to Europe and to stay put in the safety of a country that has more gun deaths than any other country in the western world.