Donald Trump has said that he would not rule out bombing Narnia, should he succeed in becoming US president.
Speaking to a diverse mix of white people shouting “USA”, Mr Trump said “I’m going to build a wardrobe to separate us from the Narnians. And they’re going to pay for it. Either way, I might just have to press the button. Because that’s what buttons are for. Who do you trust to know what to do with a button? That’s right Trump!
“They’re ruled by a lion called called Islam or something. And who do you trust to take no shit from a fictional fundamentalist feline? Trump! By Trump I mean me. I’m talking about myself in the third person again.”
Mr Trump was speaking to a packed rally conspicuously absent of witches, fawns and beavers. “Not all the security are entirely au fait with the characters from the book by C.S Lewis so just in case we’re stopping all black people from getting in” One inside source told us.
Any plans to bomb Narnia, as well as Middle Earth and Sesame Street have not lost Mr Trump any support, particularly from people with less than the usual amount of teeth.
“He’s going to make the USA a great place for white, gun toting fundamentalist christians. He’s going to send us to war and fire off all the nukes. Hot dang we’re all coming home in a box!” One confided.