David Cameron has today assured critics that the recent naval exit from the Falklands has absolutely nothing to do with starting another war, winning it, winning the next General election as a result and subsequently ensuring British ownership of a plethora of natural resources before any Argentinians get their hands on it.
Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Cameron said “It’s not how it looks. It might ‘appear’ to be exactly the same scenario as 1982 with us suddenly and inexplicably leaving the Falklands unguarded when we are struggling at home in terms of popularity and unlikely to win the next general election, but I can assure you it most definitely isn’t. To think otherwise would suggest that I am trying to be like Margaret Thatcher in every way. Which is of course ridiculous.”
“I might dress up as her sometimes but that’s about it.” He explained.
Secretary of State for Defence Michael Fallon told us that regrettably the time for talking was over and the only possible course of action was war. Preferably one where Britain could provide the weaponry for both sides.
“We will not rest until the Argentinian invaders are expelled from the Falklands once and for all. Oh shit, they haven’t actually invaded it yet have they? Forget I said anything, no war. Is this going out live?” He told us.