Trump to ban immigration from Skull island

President Trump has today signed a new executive order placing a 90-day ban on people from Skull island just in case one of them is a forty-foot high monkey.

“Europe not safe” says Trump from safety of country with highest gun deaths

Donald Trump has warned Americans to avoid travel to Europe and to stay put in the safety of a country that has more gun deaths than any other country in the western world.

Trump “Pope should stick to being a Muslim”

The Pope should stick to being a Muslim and stop criticising megalomaniac gun toting Christians, according to goose stepping presidential hopeful Donald Trump. Responding to the Pope’s argument that building a huge wall between USA and Mexico might be divisive and even unchristian, Mr Trump said he was not prepared to have his religion criticised […]

Racist bloke at work still going for it

A racist bloke in an office is still going for it like a trooper, two full working days after the Paris shootings and showing no signs of giving it a rest, according to reports from workmates. Feeling sufficiently vindicated by recent events to continue wittering on indefinitely, Mr Daley Mayall, of ‘We sell any car’ […]

Ham shop owner defends decision to ban Muslims

The owner of a speciality ham shop in Oxfordshire has defended his recent decision to refuse to serve all Muslims until such time as they take responsibility for events instigated in a different country by people they had no connection to. Dave England, proprietor of “Out of Hams way” in Bicester village, said “I can’t […]

Theresa May “We’ll target all those who spread hate, except us”

The home secretary Theresa May has vowed that the Government will “systematically confront and challenge extremist ideology” as she detailed new curbs on “all those who spread hate, except us.” Speaking to a packed press conference Mrs May said “It’s absolutely fine for us to demonize immigrants, poor people, single mothers and the sick and […]