We must all climb into Donald Trump’s arse and deferentially do his bidding, blindly following his every xenophobic whim according to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.
“Piffle paffle poffle puffle lefties ruining my chance to stand with Donald in his solid gold lift and have photographs taken. Admittedly I once couldn’t stand the man but that was before he became the most powerful man on earth. Now he is, I want to start a new life firmly ensconced between his arse cheeks. And I suggest everyone joins me.” Johnson explained
However former UKIP leader Nigel Farage warned Mr Johnson “No-one gets in or out of his arse without my say so.”
Mr Farage’s apparent new role as a diplomatic prophylactic has been disputed by Prime Minister Theresa May who has herself announced a personal visit to Mr trump’s lower colon in the new year.
“Nigel may see himself as self-styled gate keeper of Trump’s arse but he hasn’t any such electoral mandate. We will decide whether to enter of leave his sphincter.” Mrs May explained.
However Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has shocked the political establishment and the media alike by ruling out slithering up Mr Trump’s back passage at all.
“Trump is blaming immigrants for the endemic poverty caused by corporations siphoning off the country’s wealth and putting it into offshore tax havens. Which he himself has helped cause. So I won’t be going anywhere near his back passage unless he demonstrates a significant change in political direction. And stops being a cunt.” He told us.