China has appealed for calm this morning as US President Donald Trump has threatened to match any North Korean aggression with fire and Hong Kong Phooey.
Addressing the nation via his Real News network Mr Trump said “No President in the history of America has ever sent in Hong Kong Phooey. It will be an attack the like of which the world has never seen.”
Whilst Mr Phooey himself was unavailable for contact a mild mannered janitor called Henry who purports to know him told us:
“He’d most likely rock up at the North Korean border and find himself surrounded by heavily armed guards. He’d then look in his Hong Kong book of Kung Fu for the section which explains how to engage a highly militarised rogue state with nuclear capabilities. Most likely it will involve him doing a little dance and saying “Ha! Hoo! And a Rinky Dinky Doo! To You!””
Whilst Defence Secretary Jim Mattis has said that Mr Trump should not be taken too literally and was committed to solving the crisis diplomatically, this seemingly puts him at loggerheads with recent statements from the president.
“Believe me there has never been such a super guy. He is actually quicker than the human eye. And if he gets into trouble his side kick Spot the cat can bail him out. We’ll be giving Spot full access to all our nuclear weapons” Mr Trump tweeted this morning.
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