Overweight maniacal despot with nuclear weapons threatens Kim Jong-Un

kim jong-un donald trump

North Korean President Kim Jong-un has appealed for United Nations support in dealing with a rogue overweight despot who terrifyingly now has access to nuclear weapons.

In a rare direct statement the North Korean leader said “I can’t sort this out unilaterally. But that scary man is out of control with all this fire and fury business. And he’s quite prepared to use nuclear weapons on the vague off chance that it deflects from the fact that he’s in Russia’s pocket and they rigged the election for him. I’ve tried calming him down but he’s having absolutely none of it.

“In North Korea it’s simple, you either vote for me or you don’t. And if you don’t we shoot you. It’s completely transparent and I can assure you, Russia have absolutely no say in it.”

Kim Jong-un is thought to be just one of a number of totalitarian oppressors, dismayed by the actions of Mr Trump and concerned that he may give them all a bad name.

Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe said “Who gave this idiot the largest military arsenal in the world? We are dictators. We’re supposed to have smaller countries and perform localised atrocities which make the tail end of the news whilst the super-powers turn a blind eye. But this is madness.”

A United Nations spokesman warned that any attempts to topple Trump could result in a completely unhinged despot power vacuum likely to be filled by Mike Pence who reportedly uses the Handmaid’s tale as a leadership instruction manual.

“Is it my turn yet? I want to press buttons.” Mr Pence explained.

 

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