David Cameron “Drug dealers must offer all customers the best possible deal”

Drug dealers will be required by law to offer all their customers the best possible deal under new legislation announced today by David Cameron.

Speaking at a Press conference this morning the Prime Minister explained “We’re sick and tired of hearing how one customer may be charged a certain tariff for a bag of weed and then find out that the next customer get’s ‘Mate’s rates’ and perhaps the one after that get’s a discount in return for oral sex. It creates an unacceptable level of customer confusion and there is no guarantee that shifting drugs supplier will not lead to exactly the same irregularities. Similarly, if the same customer is purchasing a bag of weed regularly, he may be better off buying a kilo. It is up to a responsible drug dealer to make him aware of that.”

A spokesman for the National Association of Drug Dealers has retorted that the profession risks being strangled in red tape.

“David Cameron is going to ruin the whole business if he’s not careful and then there’ll be a drug supply issue in Britain which obviously nobody wants. Thanks to his new law, I’m now required to provide written quotes, detailing individual and wholesale prices for all the different dirty rugs I’m selling. I’m also obliged to make the customer aware if they can get a cheaper deal from Psycho Steve round the corner.”

However, Which Magazine who are in the process of publishing “Which Dealer” are full of praise for the legislation and have urged Mr Cameron not to perform another U turn.  “The average monthly Ching bill for a family of four will go down under this legislation and we would encourage the prime minister to stick to his guns.”