Lance Armstrong really Bez out of the Happy Mondays

Lance Armstrong

Speaking today on BBC Radio 4 in a candid interview disgraced cycling star Lance Armstrong has finally admitted that he is also Bez out of the Happy Mondays.

One furious Happy Mondays fan told us “I went to see the Happy Mondays accompanied by Bez dancing about with eyes as big as saucers and then ten years later I find out he’s really Lance Armstrong so he must have been on drugs. I have written to the Mondays requesting a refund, not only for the concert but for all their CDs that I bought. I know you can’t actually see or hear Bez on the CDs but you know he’s going to have been dancing around in the background. And as he’s really Lance Armstrong he’s going to be dancing around in the background on performance enhancing drugs.”

U.S. Anti-Doping Agency that accused him of leading a massive doping program on his teams have said that they will be investigating his time under the guise of Bez with a mind to revoking further awards if possible. “We’re not sure if he actually received any awards of any kind as Bez but if he did he’ll have to be stripped of them. We think he won Celebrity Big Brother once so if we can remember who else was on it, the title will just go to one of them.”

Sean Ryder has gone on record to distance himself from Bez since the Lance Armstrong revelations.

“Obviously we had no idea Bez was experimenting with drugs. He’s lied to the sport of cycling and he’s lied to us.  The Mondays split up years ago but I’ve got a good mind to reform them just so we can chuck him out. And he can take his stupid bicycle with him.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: