David Cameron to give everybody a free bicycle


Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that he will personally give every member of the public a free bicycle under a new Government initiative unveiled today.  Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Cameron said the new funding would provide a “Cycling revolution like the one they had in china.”

“Bicycles are great.” he told us “I ride one myself sometimes if there are cameras about. They’re perfect for finding work as well. When my Grandfather was unemployed, he didn’t just sit about languishing on benefits. He got on his bike and found work. At his father’s investment bank. And now everyone else will be able to do the same”

It’s thought that from tomorrow all local authorities will be dolling out the bikes from around 9am or alternatively people can queue directly outside Number 10 Downing street as long as they promise not to be rude to any policemen.  The newly appointed Minister for Bicycles Andrew Mitchell told us that whilst it is officially first come, first serve, there should be enough for everyone.

One member of the public we spoke to however was not so impressed with the initiative. “They say all you have to do is get yourself there and you get a free bike. Well how I am I supposed to get there in the first place? I haven’t got a bike.”

Another member of public we spoke to was already waiting outside Number 10 but told us he was cynical. “I’m not going to hold my breath on this one. It seems suspiciously like the time we were told we were all entitled to free butter. So we queued up for 2 days only to be told he’d served it all up to his banker friends.”

Top Gear Presenter Jeremy Clarkson has branded the scheme as ‘Filth’.

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