Putin outlines Trump’s induction week



Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has sent Donald Trump his firm offer of the job in the White House and outlined the itinerary for his induction week.

A spokesman for the kremlin said “He’s on his probationary period for the next 3 months. If at the end of that he’s not quite up to the job, but not performing badly enough to sack him either, then we can extend that period.”

A memo from Mr Putin sent to Mr Trump has outlined the core modules to be covered over the first week before the wig sporting tycoon takes over the presidency relatively unsupervised. Day one is understood to be ‘Meet the team’ before breaking for coffee before pressing on with ‘Manipulation and control of the media’. Day 2 is thought to be ‘Constitutional change in order to become Life President’, and days 3, 4 and 5 will be spent ‘Riding on a donkey butt naked and pretending to retrieve ancient vases from the bottom of oceans’

“Following that, I won’t be won’t be on his case every day. Donald is capable of working under his own steam. We’ll just meet up once a month to discuss his KPIs.” Mr Putin explained.

Mr Trump has told of delight at landing the job. “I like working for Vladimir. He’s nice to me.” He told us.



  1. Interesting photo – do we know whose penis Mr Putin is indicating the size of? This sort of thing can all too easily be taken out of context and twisted by a devious media.

  2. This is ridiculous! Incredibly innacurate. ‘Riding on a donkey butt naked and pretending to retrieve ancient vases from the bottom of oceans’ is only slotted for Days 3 and the first half of 4. The second half of 4 is ‘coming up with acceptable reasons for catastrophic airstrikes,’ and Day 5 is ‘double-checking for ancient vases from the bottom of oceans.’ Do your homework!

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