Revellers celebrating the summer solstice at Stonehenge this year will be expected to vacate the site by midnight, in order to make it clean and presentable for paying visitors the following day, according to the latest diktat by English Heritage.
A spokesman for the charity, who are entrusted with charging people for things they already own, denied that it had sold ancient cultural tradition down the river in order to show bias to paying visitors who would be more likely to buy tat in the new gift shop. He also denied that they would be fully evacuating the site halfway through the shortest night of the year.
“We’re not going to ask everyone to leave, those who have purchased the corporate champagne platinum package can stay as long as they like.
“But anyone calling themselves something like Pendragon warlord and rocking up free of charge, apart from the now mandatory parking charge, can do one before bed time. Obviously.
“If they want to see the sun in the morning that much then they should just get up and go to work like everyone else.
“And the whole thing will be televised anyway. It’ll be just like being there.”
The move has been largely accepted by many Stonehenge regulars. Arch Druid and pagan priest King Arthur Pendragon said “Quite often we as druids get so tangled up in celebrating the celestial order of things that we forget to look at fiscal factors and year on year growth. It’s time we all grew up.”
News Toad 
Eminently and sadly believable I’m afraid.