Coldplay not even ill

The band Coldplay were reportedly not even ill last night let alone on death’s door according to sources close to the band.

Best known for the song that goes “Doo doo doo,doo doo doo, doo doo doo” the band will also be remembered for some other songs like that and most likely the next few that go a bit like that too due to them still being here and churning them out.

Daytime television GP Dr Chris Steele said “I visited and examined the band personally. They’re not ill. They all had steady meandering uninspiring pulse rates which look set to continue indefinitely.

“It’s something about the middle class pretend angst, the bland tunes and the band having a creative director. Whatever they’ve got I’d like to bottle it and probably drink something more interesting instead. Either way they’re still here.”

The news of the band’s non-demise has ricocheted around social media with many people having some important opinions on the matter.

One Facebook user said ” I can’t bloody stand them but if they were to depart from this  this mortal coil I would mysteriously have always liked them and in fact liked them before you did, thus making my grief worse with them inexplicably suddenly being a focal point in my youth.”

“Coldplay, Motley Crew, The Black Eyed peas. When’s it all going to end? Or start. I don’t know what I mean.” Another posted.