Coldplay not even ill

The band Coldplay were reportedly not even ill last night let alone on death’s door according to sources close to the band.

V festival cancelled due to unforseen blandness

Festival goers have been left furious at today’s announcement from the organisers of the V festival that the live music event is to be cancelled due to unforeseen blandness. Richard Branson chairman of the Virgin group who own the festival amongst a number of other things told us “I just woke up in the middle […]

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow take a shit or something

Coldplay singer Chris Martin and actress Gwyneth Paltrow have once again given normal people respite from their insignificant  little lives by announcing to the worlds media that they have both just taken a shit. The announcement came this morning when a message on on Paltrow’s website informed adoring fans that they couple were engaged in […]

‘All drug dealers must have licenses’ say Glastonbury organisers

Anyone expecting to arrive at Glastonbury festival with a big bag of drugs and the intention of selling them to revelers are going to have to have a license according to an announcement today from organisers. Throughout the duration of the festival anyone caught dealing without a license will be given 24 hours to apply […]