David Cameron “UK will change it’s name to Scotland”

The United Kingdom will change it’s name to Scotland in the event of a win for the “yes to independence” vote, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Speaking from the other side of bullet proof glass and wearing flame retardant trousers, Mr Cameron told a packed Glasgow press conference “We’ll be calling England Scotland, Wales will be called Scotland and so will Northern Ireland and the Isle of Wight. We’ll then all be Scotland and we’ll all be independent so we’ll be able to form a United Kingdom of Scotlands. We’ll call it the United Kingdom for short. An then we’ll change our countries’ names back to what they were before, knowing that deep down we’re all Scotland really. And we’ll run the whole thing from London. ”

“Of course we’ll expect a fair bit of gratitude from indigenous Scots for continuing to govern them. They’ll obviously need to doff their caps more and be more respectful of the English gentry. We’re not sure about “Scotland” the brand though . We may be looking to rename it Naughtyland, or Gaytown or Underpantshire.”

SNP leader and Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has welcomed the news. “If the whole British isles are Scotland I won’t have to worry about accidentally straying over the border. And I can fulfil my life long dream of visiting London and seeing it with my own eyes.”