Romanian family move into Nigel Farage’s arse

Nigel Farage's arse

UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be incensed yet vindicated as the news broke this morning that overnight a Romanian family moved into his arse.

Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ where he broke traditional chat show protocol by refusing to sit down, Mr Farage explained “I think they’re Romanian anyway. They certainly sound foreign, though it is difficult for pinpoint a dialect from deep within my arse cheeks.  Either way I warned you all  this would happen. It’s living proof as to why we should all be more irrationally racist.”

The beer swilling  intolerance monger told us that he was not actually anti the idea of his anus hosting family units from different cultures per se. “If some Germans had moved into my sphincter that would be absolutely fine as long as they didn’t start dictating lower colon regulations. I’ve always been clear that what happens within my arse should be decided by British people. And I mean proper British people, not vegetarians.”

However, shrinking Deputy Prime Minister and Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg accused Mr Farage of scaremongering. “It’s a fallacy that all Europeans are going to suddenly upsticks and move into Nigel’s back passage. Only a finite number could fit in there anyway and many might choose to move into the arses of other European far right leaders.”

In other news, BNP splinter group Britain First are set to protest today following reports that a large Asian family has moved into their arse.


  1. “Well I needed a cleaner,some fly-tipping,and a plasterer to renovate my backpassage,Now I can rent it for 3 times the profit,it all depends who pays enough to get up there.”

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