Farage “I’m only racist when I eat cheese”

Farage cheese

Nigel Farage has expressed “regret” for controversial remarks he made about Romanians, explaining that such things often happen if he has been eating cheese.

“Look  it wasn’t really me. It was the cheese talking.  I was hungry. Someone offered me a lump of cheddar and the next thing I know I’m spouting nonsense about how it’s fine to live next door to Germans but not Romanians, The moment the effect of the cheese wore off I realised what an ignorant,bigoted, racist comment that was and I was wracked with remorse. And then I ate some more cheese and I believed it again. So I’ve come on record today to publicly apologise. At least that was the plan but I’ve just had a slice of Red Leicester so in actual fact I’m not sorry and I still mean it.

“I’m not sure if I’m just upset about Romanians moving in next door or whether I would still be upset if the Romanians lived there already and someone British moved next door to them. Once I’ve been on the Wensleydale it gets confusing” he explained.

UKIP are likely to enjoy unprecedented popularity in the upcoming European and local elections with many of their supporters voting for the first time. One new voter told us “I was initially disappointed and disillusioned  that I couldn’t vote for Homer Simpson, Basil Brush or Sweep out of Sooty and sweep. But that Nigel Farage comes a close second.”

Potty mouth UKIP press officer and self proclaimed number 2 after Nigel Farage, Janice Atkinson said “Fucking monkey tits” when asked for a comment.

One UKIP supporter told us “She’s been taken out of context.Usually she’s very polite.  She only swears when she eats cheese.”



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