Billy Whizz accused of historic drug use

Billy Whizz

Cartoon athlete Billy Whizz has denied accusations that he deliberately missed drug tests throughout the 1980s when he enjoyed the accolade of World’s fastest boy.

Lawyers representing the Beano have robustly denied any drug abuse within the comic citing as an example a weekly story about unruly school children who live on Bash street, who despite getting up to all sorts are never even seen so much as smoking a joint.

“These claims are simply scurrilous rumours. Billy Whizz was seen as the epitome of clean and healthy living. In fact as a result of his athletic prowess the term ‘Billy’ became a popular slang term for going to the gym. If someone was jumping around in an energetic fashion it would not be uncommon to say ‘He’s done some Billy’

“And where can I get some Billy was generally understood to mean can you direct me to a reputable gym?” They explained.

A former employee at the Beano hinted that the squeaky clean analogy given may actually belie a much darker side.

“All I’m saying is that he was constantly under pressure to run faster. Whilst he never boasted about doing the odd cheeky one, you never heard him deny it either. You have to understand that the 1970s and 1980s Beano was a completely different world where you had talking bears constantly attempting to burgle shops and Dennis the Menace’s dad performing weekly assaults on him armed with a slipper.” He told us.

The news comes hot on the heels of accusations regarding at least two of the blokes in Chariots of fire.

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