Coldplay singer Chris Martin and actress Gwyneth Paltrow have once again given normal people respite from their insignificant little lives by announcing to the worlds media that they have both just taken a shit.
The announcement came this morning when a message on on Paltrow’s website informed adoring fans that they couple were engaged in “Conscious uncoupling” which is widely seen as a holistic and spiritual term for separating oneself from an enormous dead otter.
One source close to the couple told us “They’ve spent a fortune on ‘being special’ therapy so they have a right to things being more spiritually significant than for people who can’t afford ‘being special’ therapy. I’m not actually sure whether they mean taking a shit or getting a divorce or just putting their feet up to watch TV in the evenings. One things for sure, whatever it is that has happened, it will be very special. And if I know the pair of them like I think I do then Coldplay will soon be releasing an incredibly bland watered down, homogonised ballad that skirts around the subject, whilst Paltrow will go around saying meep meep meep with her stupid little mouth.”
Both Paltrow and Martin have been receiving counselling from Dr Habib Sadeghi who has warned the couple to only eat cauliflower and chastise other people for not doing so, also saying “We should develop a psycho-spiritual spine, a divine endoskeleton, an internal cathedral”
“She’s definitely talking about taking a shit” one source told us.
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