David Moyes “Women should stop getting their knickers in a twist”

Women should stop getting their knickers in a twist and make everyone a cup of tea according to Sunderland boss David Moyes.

“I’m bottom of the league, the owner’s coming down on me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly I’ve got some bird tottering in in sensible shoes and asking me questions. Obviously I threaten her with mild 1970s level violence and now apparently It’s me that’s  in the wrong.”

Indeed Mr Moyes continued to tell a team of proper male journalists that the whole thing has been blown out of all proportion.

“I might have threatened to slap a female reporter but it was all a bit of fun. If I had done it, it would only have been a cheeky slap on her arse and I’d have most likely followed it up by laughing like Sid James which would have made it alright.

“Women are good at wearing tights and putting on make up. Yet somehow it’s not enough and they want to ask me questions about football. So they have to take some blame in all this.”

However, shadow sports minister Dr Rosena Allin-Khan called on the Football Association to get involved and issue some sort of punishment.

“He must be made to live life as a woman. Indefinitely.” She explained.