God wants you to have diabetes and he shows this by sending us his only rabbit, laden with mass produced chocolates, made by faceless corporations, according to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.
“Only through force feeding yourself with oval shaped brand name milk chocolate can you let God into your life. And unless you buy small children their own weight in this low grade confectionery and leave them unattended to consume it all, then their own path to Godliness may be impaired.” The Archbishop warned
Indeed chocolate giant Cadbury has confirmed that God on high is most pleased with their year on year growth and the fact that supermarkets such as Tesco have also done very well out of it.
“We’ve made a packet and we couldn’t have done it without God.” He explained.
Archbishop Welby has also advised that any feelings of hot and cold flushes, dehydration or headaches are merely the feeling the body has when it is being entered by the Holy Spirit and warned that people should not under any circumstances interrupt such an epiphany by calling a Doctor.
“And by cleaning your teeth afterwards you are basically urinating on the love of our Lord.” He added.