Grovelling British subjects thank the Queen for letting them pay for her party and no bank holiday


the queen's birfdee

Grovelling British subjects throughout Britain have come together to thank her Royal Highness for having a party at their expense without actually being invited themselves and no sodding bank holiday.

One loyal subject told us “I may have had to fork out for it through my taxes but it’s worth it to see the Queen’s little face light up at a party that I’m not invited to. I know I could stand around on the sidelines waving a flag but I just want to watch the whole thing on television, keeping my commonness out of the sight of the Royals whilst fantasising about being stuck in a sycophantic Royalist sandwich between a schmoozing Giles Brandreth and Clare Balding.”

However not all subjects it seems have been content with the prospect of paying for a party that they cannot attend and have also decided to celebrate themselves at some sort of strange satellite gathering loosely parodying the main event.

One such party attendee said “I’ll be pissing it up like there’s no tomorrow. Of course there is actually a tomorrow and I’ve got to get up at the crack of bastard dawn and go to work because there’s no bank holiday. But I will regard my awful hangover at work as my homage to her Royal Majesty. Or something. So even if there was a Bank Holiday I would refuse to take it.”

A spokesman for the Queen explained “Its just this sort of British sarcasm that means you people don’t deserve a bank holiday.  Australians get one because they’re more deferential and know when to doff their caps.”


  1. It’s actually Her Majesty. She stopped being Her Royal Highness when her father died.

    By the way, I wasn’t grovelling or partying.

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