Putin “I had nothing to do with the football violence or the invasion of Ukraine”

Russian President Vladimir Putin has confirmed today that he had absolutely nothing to do with the recent football violence in France and nothing to do with the invasion of Ukraine either.

Shrugging off suggestions that the Russian football hooligans might actually be military special forces and pouting with indignation with his hands on his hips Mr Putin said “To think that I might personally be involved in any sabre rattling that is not a straight forward military invasion is quite ridiculous.

“Us winning the fighting would have no interest to me whatsoever.

“In Ukraine the sudden arrival of highly trained and organised combatants was nothing to do with me and in France the sudden arrival of highly trained and organised combatants was nothing to do with me either. Anyone that thinks this is the very beginning of numerous little invasions that will increase in frequency throughout Europe over the next few years with us denying responsibility every step of the way could not be more wrong.”

Mr Putin also went further to denounce any sort of football violence and promised Russian assistance in eradicating it.

“We’ll send in planes, tanks, and shit loads of soldiers packed inside unmarked delivery trucks. Even if it’s domestic football violence in other countries.” he assured.

In other news some teams played football.