Prince Charles “Everyone should stick a crystal up their arse”

prince charles crystal arsePrince Charles has confirmed that on becoming King he will pass a law that everyone must embrace alternative therapies, beginning with inserting a crystal up their arse.

Hitting back at “scientists”, who have criticised his unnerving support for alternative therapies, the Prince, also known as the Duke of Woo, said that the conventional medical world should end their obsession with things needing to have evidence attached to them before declaring them valid.

“Obviously it depends on a person’s affliction, their karma and their level of chi before deciding whether to put an amethyst or an opal up one’s sphincter. It also depends which shakra is affected and how big the aura is before deciding dosage.” He explained.

The future King has shown particular displeasure in the findings of Professor Edzard Ernst who has angered the alternative medicine world by producing a study that points to it being bollocks.

“What Professor Ernst does not tell you that is that statistics show that nearly everyone who became ill in 2014 did not have a crystal shoved up their arse. How much more scientific evidence does the man need?”

Prince Charles has been under pressure to reveal the contents of letters sent to Health Secretary Jeremy fucking Hunt which are rumoured to advise a widespread policy of everyone having a crystal shoved up their arse.

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