Post boxes to stop wearing Burkas

  Post boxes are going to have to stop wearing Burkas and start dressing like everybody else according to leaked minutes of a recent Government meeting. One Government insider told us “They don’t make any effort to fit in. They’re just all clad in red apart from the small rectangular gap at the top through […]

Boris “We must use the Isle of Wight as an example”

Britain must follow the lead of the Isle of Wight and use its lack of racial diversity as a shining beacon as how the UK could be post Brexit, according to conservative leadership hopeful Boris Johnson. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, the former Mayor said that the islanders’ mistrust of all visitors, even other […]

Jeremy Hunt “Just send your Doctor a selfie”

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has told patients that rather than attend surgeries or hospitals they should merely obtain their GPs mobile phone number and send them a selfie. Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Hunt explained: “I’m not a Doctor but I saw one recently and I used to regularly […]

Public epidemic of blokes wearing red trousers

Men who wear red trousers are rapidly increasing in numbers and infiltrating all levels of society according to reports released this week.  BRTs as they are commonly known have historically inhabited seaside towns with a relatively low concentration of one per spare mile as due to their individualist nature they have tended to avoid their own […]

Government to send old people down mines

Old people must be sent down mines and not allowed up again unless they have dug up something of value in new legislation suggested this morning by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show, the wealthy career politician explained “We can’t just have these people working all their lives […]