Doctors warn of outbreak of S club 7

The British Medical Association have warned of an imminent outbreak of S club 7 set to threaten the entire United Kingdom and any foreigners who accidentally tune into British TV.

Symptoms include nausea, anxiety and severe mood swings, often causing violent attacks on laptops, radios and any other infected electrical items. In rare cases sufferers have pleaded with surgeons to remove the entire inner ear, preferring a profound hearing loss to the debilitating condition. However, even such drastic treatment is not guaranteed as sometimes the monotonous drone can be permanently imprinted on the brain.

A BMA spokesman told us “They never truly went away. They’re like a constant underlying virus that stays dormant for years and then rears it’s ugly head when the immune system is weak. Britain has suffered years of low wages, high prices and a Tory Government and is obviously at a low ebb.  And that ‘s typically when you can expect an outbreak. A bit like herpes”.

Whilst precautions can be taken there is no known scientific cure for the affliction. A spokesman for the British Homeopathic Association told us that they had anecdotal evidence that the disease had been cured via homeopathy during the last epidemic in 2001.

“Like cures like. So in order to cure S club 7 we simply need to take H out of steps, throw him into a lake, and dip a sugar pill in it.” he explained.