In a bold move designed to drastically change the fortunes of the ailing supermarket giant, Tesco have announced this morning they are going to stop charging for all mainstream varieties of cheese with immediate effect.
Chief Executive Dave Lewis said customers who had turned their backs on Tesco would soon be coming back in droves once they realised free cheese was involved.
“It’s time we started thinking outside the box. Waitrose offer free coffee and they’re minted so we’re going to offer free cheese. After all where are you going to do the rest of your weekly shop? At the store that offers free cheese obviously. In fact you’ll more than likely end up buying a few electrical goods while you’re at it, such will be your euphoria at their cheese related bargains.
“It will improve customer relations as well. Long queue? Have some cheese? Disappointed that the chicken fillets you bought turned out to be chopped and shaped with added chemicals? Have some cheese. Already got some cheese? Well Sir you’ll be pleased to know that comes with free cheese.”
However Tesco have come under fire from critics who have complained that their ‘On the house fromage solutions’ are only available if purchased in store rather than online. One customer told us “It’s outrageous that I have to actually get up myself and go into the store. It means I’ve got to put my pyjamas on and go out every time I fancy a bit of gouda”
A spokesman for the mid range supermarket corporation has strenuously denied that all their cheese is manufactured by dwarves imprisoned in sweatshops deep inside the cheddar cliffs.
“It honestly isn’t” he explained.
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