Cameron “Britain must sell its own Grandmothers”

Britain must sell its own Grandmothers to whichever corporation either offers the best price or has Tory party donors on its board of directors according to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Speaking at an event celebrating 800 years of the Magna Carta the Prime Minister explained that whilst such a policy was not proposed in 1215, this was probably just due to shorter life expectancy rather than it being a bad idea.

“Ground breaking as it was at the time, people didn’t live for quite as long back in 1215 and selling off Grandmothers would not have been seen as such a money spinner.” He explained.

“We’re having to make some tough decisions. We’re never going to eradicate this deficit with old ladies wandering round with fillings in their teeth that all the time could be melted down and exchanged for hard cash. We’re not talking about getting rid of grandmothers per se. We just want a newer, fitter, leaner more cost effective army of Grandmothers who can build on their already successful activities such queuing en masse in Marks and Spencer’s food department to prevent working people purchasing a sandwich in their lunch breaks. Obviously it makes sense put the whole thing in the hands of private enterprise rather than it being mismanaged by the state.

“Anyone who thinks we should not sell off our Grandmothers should be reminded of the mess labour left us in at the beginning of our last term.” He warned.

London Mayor Boris Johnson has dismissed criticism to the proposals as ” A storm in a teacup”